A dinosaur confused abouts its gender and a yo-yo-wielding time-traveling hero would be awesome in Smash Bros.
Playable Character Dream
Who: Birdo
Birdo is the famed villain turned friend who first appeared as an egg-spitting male who wanted to be a female. Famously, the North American instruction manual for Super Mario Bros. 2 states that “Birdo thinks he is a girl and likes to be called Birdetta.” Somehow, that character endured and became a mainstay of Mario's sports and spinoff games while still finding time to be ridiculously creepy and disturbing, like when Birdo is arrested in Captain Rainbow for using a female restroom. I won't even talk about what you need to do to prove she (he?) is a girl. Nintendo usually refers to Birdo as a girl (though sometimes they call Birdo “it”), so for the purposes of this article and not to be confusing as all hell, Birdo is a girl.
Why He/She/It Deserves a Spot:
My gut reason for this is simple: I want there to be a challenge in Smash Bros. that references Wario's Woods. Birdo needs to beat the crap out of a purple Wario.
Birdo has paid her dues. She's appeared as a trophy in previous Smash Bros. games, in her retro Super Mario Bros. 2 form in Melee and in her modern style in Brawl. In Melee, she would appear from the side of the Super Mario Bros. 2 stage and spit interactive eggs. Aside from that, Birdo has appeared in tons of Mario games throughout the years. She's played tennis and golf in a combined four different games. She's been a racer in two home console Mario Kart games, and played baseball, soccer, and basketball with the boys. She's a regular at all the Mario Parties, and she's even made appearances in different Mario RPGs, including Super Mario RPG, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, and last year's Paper Mario: Sticker Star.
Aside from that, I think Birdo could be an interesting character to use. Her eggs could be an attack that is a combination of Yoshi's eggs but on a more direct projectile path. She also has a vacuum-like ability that could be used similar to Kirby and Yoshi, but perhaps it would be used to restore her health instead of stealing abilities. She's also been known to shoot fireballs from her snout, which could be another attack.
Her shield could be an egg, which could also be the basis for her Final Smash (if that comes back in the next game in the series). For her Final Smash, Birdo could turn into a giant egg and roll around the stage, damaging anyone she touches.
First Appearance: Super Mario Bros. 2 (USA) (NES) (1988)
Latest Appearance: Paper Mario: Sticker Star (3DS) (2012)
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Bonus Dream: Assist Trophy
Who: Mike Jones
Mike Jones is the protagonist of the StarTropics series, which is made up of two late NES titles made for the American audience. He saved the world twice from the evil alien Zoda, once by saving an alien race on an archipelago, and the other by fixing stuff through time travel.
Why He Deserves to be an Assist Trophy:
Because, dammit, StarTropics needs to be acknowledged. This is one of the few series that hasn't been mentioned in a Smash Bros. game yet. It's likely that it is ignored because it never came out in Japan, but this chicanery needs to stop. How else is Sakurai going to fall in love with the character of Mike Jones and make an awesome Wii U revival?
As an assist trophy, Mike Jones could appear on the stage and make use of his famed southpaw ways whip his Yo-Yo at any nearby foes. Maybe the use of what weapon he has is randomized, and sometimes he uses the powerful version of his Yo-Yo, the alien-based Super Nova. He could also use other side items, too, like a baseball bat, torch, baseballs, or bolas. Honestly, I'd love to see Mike as a character, but we need to make baby steps before the big Next Level Games-developed StarTropics revival.
First Appearance: StarTropics (1990)
Latest Appearance: Zoda's Revenge: StarTropics II (1994)