Topic: Love is a very strange thing (NOOOO NOT ANOTHER EMO THREAD)

[Stogi]

So I'm sure you guys are all sick of my emotions, hell so am I, but something interesting is happening to me...

I find myself rapidly losing the feelings I had for my girlfriend just months ago; all those powerful emotions I had; all those powerful, spell-binding feelings are fleeing from me as if I realized all along I was dreaming, and during this lucid period, I find those feelings to be fragile and precious but waking up is inevitable.

What the hell?

Obviously, I'm taking this very personally. I keep circling questions around in my head: Am I so simple a person that as soon as I get what I want, I want what is on the next plateau? Do I even know what I really want? How can I trust my own feelings?!

My girl and I have a lot of things in common, and stat for stat, we were made for each other. It's not that I don't find her attractive either; she's absolutely gorgeous. I sometimes catch myself just...starting at her....

WTF?! This isn't suppose to happen...

I already catch myself talking to other girls with the wrong intentions; where at one point it was easy to ignore a girls approach, now I get caught up flirting. It's especially true for this future M.D., which is right up my alley. I plan on working with a lot of M.D.'s later in life. Hell, I already planned to have dinner at her place this weekend....

I'm such a dick.

Can some of you attest to this? Is being content not part of our nature? Am I suppose to feel bad for looking for a better catch, even if there isn't one? And if one comes around, am I obligated to ditch my girlfriend even though it would break her heart?

I would never want to do that to her; she's so adorable, so cute; it would be like raising the cutest puppy and then abandoning her.

Damn, I'm so confused....

[wandering]

One word: polygamy.

[Dasmos]

I really don't know anything bout your situation, but I know with me I get a little bored after everything is no longer fresh or exciting. This being the case the longest relationship I have been in (apart from the one I'm in now) has been 4 months. I realise what my main problem is though, I don't want to be comfortable, because once you're comfortable in a relationship there's nothing more to add. Maybe comfortable isn't the right word, but I can't think of any other way to explain it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting something new, fresh and exciting after something is starting to get old. I definately don't go out looking while I'm in a relationship, but I open to it if it comes around. The one thing I always try and avoid though is a nasty break-up, I mean I don't hate the person I'm in a relationship with so why can't we still talk, hang out and be friends.

You'll know when you find someone who is worth staying with, because you won't be having any of the doubts and insecurities about the relationship you are having now. Even if you do decide to leave and find someone else, who's to say you can't try and make it work a second time around if it's not going the way you planned.

I don't know if any of this was helpful, but hey.

[EasyCure]

you ARE a dick.

but i cant judge you, im a dick too. I've been there before.. not as quickly as you have, but i've still been there.

My last long term relation ship (going on 2 years before we split) was similar in that i got bored and found myself flirting while i was in the relationship, but at the same time i stayed in it for the wrong reasons. even when things got osur i stayed in it because i thought i was just being insecure, and it ended horribly.

flash forward to know; im seeing a new girl, we've actually just celebrated a year together and i adore this woman. a year into the relationship and i still love spending hours with her, laughing with her  or just looking into her eyes w/o saying a word. yet.. i still get bored sometimes. i'll go to the mall with a friend during our lunch break and end up looking and flirting most of the time, because I feel bored sometimes. its only when im ever not with her and really see what else is out there that i start to feel bored, so it gets confusing because while i am with her i dont even notice other girls. it sucks cuz then i feel like im trying to be unfaithful when im really not.

its just human nature to get bored and want something new, we spoil ourselves with so many things that theres probably no going back w/o some serious reprogramming. So yes, you're a dick, but everyone else is too. my only advice to you is dont break up with her hastily, and dont do it in an ugly way. give it some time, some thought and maybe you'll realize you're not really bored with her at all.

good luck

[Nick DiMola]

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Originally posted by: Dasmos
You'll know when you find someone who is worth staying with, because you won't be having any of the doubts and insecurities about the relationship you are having now. Even if you do decide to leave and find someone else, who's to say you can't try and make it work a second time around if it's not going the way you planned.

I'd say that's pretty true. At some point your relationship needs to evolve past just a physical attraction and liking to hang out with each other. Eventually you can see yourself actually going through the rest of your life with this person. It definitely isn't natural to feel monogamous, part of being an animal dictates otherwise. However, when you find the right person you know that you are happy with what you have and want to accomplish something in your life with that person by your side. If you don't see that future, and a life with that person then that person most likely isn't the right one.  

[Bill Aurion]

All I can really say from experience is that if you find yourself losing feelings for your "loved one," then it really wasn't love to begin with...You can continue to be in denial of the fact, but it could end up hurting you or her in the end...

[vudu]

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Originally posted by: EasyCure
flash forward to know; im seeing a new girl, we've actually just celebrated a year together and i adore this woman. a year into the relationship and i still love spending hours with her, laughing with her  or just looking into her eyes w/o saying a word.

Well, no kidding.  How can you not adore a woman who dresses up like a vampire for sex?

[DAaaMan64]

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Originally posted by: KashogiStogi

Am I so simple a person that as soon as I get what I want, I want what is on the next plateau?

Are you saying the next plateau up? or the plateau next to you?  I'm going to assume the plateau next to you(implies another girl).  So my answer to your question:

When you do not grasp the value of the provider of what you want, YES.  However, I do believe that if that value is not created naturally, your not ready or you haven't found the right girl.  Valuing what she gives you is key for most men.

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Do I even know what I really want?

Do many people know what they really want?  Do you believe you are old and experienced enough to know what you want? Cause thats probably a no on both counts.  

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I already catch myself talking to other girls with the wrong intentions; where at one point it was easy to ignore a girls approach, now I get caught up flirting.

This comes back to grasping the value of what she provides for you.  You wouldn't do these things if you were a better at valuing your girlfriend.  I cannot say that have done this, sorry.

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Can some of you attest to this? Is being content not part of our nature? Am I suppose to feel bad for looking for a better catch, even if there isn't one?

Yes I can attest to this.  Not being content is part of our nature and yes feeling bad for looking is normal.  That is good though, because of the destructiveness of the outcome of breaking up with someone.  Don't be hasty.

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And if one comes around, am I obligated to ditch my girlfriend even though it would break her heart?

In this case, obligation implies fate, so no your not obligated.  EasyCure is right about what he said, never break up hastily you will damage a lot of things, trust, intimacy, etc.  I do kinda think that no matter the words exchanged between two people coming back together that there is a still an underlying disgust with each other, do to the results of the last break up.  That isn't gonna be easy to get over.

It really sucks going through these things Stogi.

[EasyCure]

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Originally posted by: vudu

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Originally posted by: EasyCure
flash forward to know; im seeing a new girl, we've actually just celebrated a year together and i adore this woman. a year into the relationship and i still love spending hours with her, laughing with her  or just looking into her eyes w/o saying a word.

Well, no kidding.  How can you not adore a woman who dresses up like a vampire for sex?

it wasnt JUST for sex.. it was for a halloween party we went to where she just happened to still be in costume when we had sex

[IceCold]

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Maybe comfortable isn't the right word, but I can't think of any other way to explain it.

Complacent?

[Caliban]

It is an emo thread, damn... what's wrong with you Kashogi? You've got to take responsibility for your choices, be prepared for any unforseen consequences, and set some limitations to your choices in regards to the situation, because otherwise you are going to be posting alot more of these threads.  

[Sessha]

Well Kashogi maybe your like how I used to be.  I enjoyed chasing the girl much more then I enjoyed the girl.  I got very bored of the relationship.  I don't know if you were in love with the girl or you just had very strong feelings towards her.  But all relationships are going to cool off eventually.  You and her are friends and have a lot in common which is confusing in itself, you don't want to hurt her.  I guess you need to ask yourself if your willing to lose your current girlfriend for another one.  Or if it's not worth it.  Everyone's tempted but what's important is if you act on it.  Maybe it isn't love and it is best to move on, Love isn't merely a physical attraction and it most certainly can't survive on that alone.  

[Caliban]

Oh, I forgot to say one last thing: No Regrets.

[DAaaMan64]

A lot of people's answers or advice is closely the same. I'm betting you already knew all that we have told you, in fact you probably predicted we would say this stuff too.

[Dasmos]

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Originally posted by: IceCold

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Maybe comfortable isn't the right word, but I can't think of any other way to explain it.

Complacent?

Yeah, that's better.

[ShyGuy]

Love isn't an emotion, love is a verb.

[Stogi]

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Originally posted by: DAaaMan64
A lot of people's answers or advice is closely the same. I'm betting you already knew all that we have told you, in fact you probably predicted we would say this stuff too.

Ya, to a point. I appreciate all the comments and advice everyone has given me. Thank you.

I'm just more shocked at myself than anything really. I can tell her love for me is stronger than ever because every time I wake her up, she looks at me as if she hasn't seen me in a long time; and it's really heartwarming.

But, I now figured out what is going on and what I must do. Today, I learned my love for her hasn't dwindled a bit; it's only seemed that way. Through a series of strange coincidences, I realized that I would be heartbroken if I lost her.

Then why am I trying to hide my feelings from myself? Simple; I still think theres someone out there amongst the world that would be better suited for me. I've traveled too much not to know that it's a possibility. Now I could be the dick that I am and go around searching or I can just be myself and let fate handle it.

I've decided to just enjoy my life to the fullest, "stack that cheese", and not worry so much.