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TalkBack / Re: Why Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a Failure to the Zelda Franchise
« on: September 25, 2020, 10:51:28 AM »
It's a great game if you're an autist and a bit too obtuse to figure out what made Zelda good to begin with. It's a good game if you're the kind of person who reads a 9/10 review and believes it because you didn't know how Nintendo used their clout and influence to manipulate scoring. It's a good game if you like sterile shrines in place of dungeons. It's a good game if you like bad dialogue. It's a good game if you like watching Sidon's trademark, never-before-seen flex with a twinkling smile. It's a good game if you pop a boner in the fish section of your local grocer. It's a good game if you like snow bowling with an unmarried man in a log cabin on a mountain. It's a good game if you like playing as a walking lightning rod. It's a good game if you like that little rain cloud that follows unlucky Link wherever he goes. It's a good game if you like rounding up all the megazords so that Lord Zed and Rita won't make their monster grow.
Wow what a good Zelda game. No dungeons. No likeable characters (unless you're into children's programming). No lasting weapons (they're mostly made of paper). The first master sword in the whole series with erectile dysfunction. No unique items aside from Link's starting abilities. Yeah I'm sorry but you guys are kinda slow and kinda ruined the vibe for future Zelda titles because you like to eat poop and pretend that it's just seeds. We honestly could do better, and I applaud the author of this article for calling a spade a spade. The rest of you in these comments who either behave oblivious or offended or hurt, please get a clue and stop labeling a Skyrim Lite game as "good" just because it has a rather vast yet rather empty sandbox to run around in.
Just because you're on Adderall and shrines give your shriveled, overclocked, synthetic meth-addled brain a tiny hit of dopamine due to the stimulating yet relaxing subliminal impact of a neon blue tint doesn't mean you've done the franchise any favors by ignoring the gaping holes in the fabric of Zelda's original design. This game is pretty, but it is beyond flawed as a "Zelda" title. 4/10
Wow what a good Zelda game. No dungeons. No likeable characters (unless you're into children's programming). No lasting weapons (they're mostly made of paper). The first master sword in the whole series with erectile dysfunction. No unique items aside from Link's starting abilities. Yeah I'm sorry but you guys are kinda slow and kinda ruined the vibe for future Zelda titles because you like to eat poop and pretend that it's just seeds. We honestly could do better, and I applaud the author of this article for calling a spade a spade. The rest of you in these comments who either behave oblivious or offended or hurt, please get a clue and stop labeling a Skyrim Lite game as "good" just because it has a rather vast yet rather empty sandbox to run around in.
Just because you're on Adderall and shrines give your shriveled, overclocked, synthetic meth-addled brain a tiny hit of dopamine due to the stimulating yet relaxing subliminal impact of a neon blue tint doesn't mean you've done the franchise any favors by ignoring the gaping holes in the fabric of Zelda's original design. This game is pretty, but it is beyond flawed as a "Zelda" title. 4/10
