Top Ten Ways to Boost Wii U Sales

Feature

by Zachary Miller - July 14, 2014, 7:43 pm EDT
Total comments: 15

Here are some can't-miss ideas.

10. When not in use, GamePad displays Star Wars-esque hologram of Iwata's head, saying "Please understand."

Adorable!

9. Change Wii U startup music to Transformers "transforming" sound effect.

EH-UR-AH-NUR

8. Add ability to rewatch episodes of the Steve Harvey Family Feud at any time from the system menu.

"Name a Nintendo console that's done worse, sales-wise, than the Wii U."

7. 10% of Wii U boxes actually contain a PS4 pre-loaded with Towerfall: Ascension

Seriously, how is this not on other consoles by now?

6. Include option to have Miiverse posts read aloud by Nolan North.

He voiced Raphael in the 2007 CG TMNT movie. Weird, right?

5. Do a Golden Ticket promotion, but instead of Willy Wonka, it's Reggie, and instead of Oompah-Loompahs, it's dwarves dressed as Pikmin.

Not sure how the song would go, though.

4. Six words: Journey to the Center of Hawkthorne

I just realized that Troy jumps likes Sonic.

3. Nintendo Princesses Extreme Beach Volleyball

Developed, of course, by Tecmo Koei.

2. Every Wii U comes with a coupon good for one visit from Ludacris!

He'll show them plumbers how you distrub 'dem PEACE.

1. Put a handle on it.

They're already patching in GameCube controller support. I'M JUST SAYIN'...

Images

Talkback

pokepal148Spencer Johnson, Contributing WriterJuly 14, 2014

Now we know how Nintendo should best handle the situation.

SorenJuly 14, 2014

So I guess these lists are going to become "a thing" now...huh.

rlse9July 14, 2014

I'd be all over the Steve Harvey Family Feud edition Wii U. Always enjoyed the show but his personality takes it to another level.

UncleBobRichard Cook, Guest ContributorJuly 14, 2014

NWR is just trolling a couple of sites at this point, aren't ya?

SorenJuly 14, 2014

If putting a handle on it doesn't work you can always put a bird on it while you pickle it.

WindyManSteven Rodriguez, Staff AlumnusJuly 15, 2014

*Koei Tecmo

ShayminDonald Theriault, News EditorJuly 15, 2014

Re: 8 - preorder cancelled.

Also, you're supposed to do this as an 11 page slideshow. Y'know, for the ads.

Leo13July 15, 2014

In all seriousness, that one about 10% some with some game. What if 1 in 4 new Wii U's came bundled with a AAA game? Yes they all come with Nintendo Land or Mario Kart or Mario/Luigi U, but what it 1 in 4 randomly had that plus an extra game like Wonderful 101 or Pikmin or Wind Waker.
Would that significantly increase the odds. You get the thrill of a lottery with odds that actually aren't terrible.

ejamerJuly 15, 2014

Quote from: Leo13

I think you'd just end up with lots of people who are disappointed that they (a) didn't get a game they wanted, or (b) didn't get anything at all. It would also discourage larger initial purchases as people would wait and see what came with the console before buying other games.

(And that's without stopping to consider the hassle this would generate when people illicitly return consoles because they want to steal the pack-in and/or try to get a different game. Yuck. Nintendo could avoid this by doing it a digital gift once the Wii is registered online though. It would also give them more flexibility about what games are available. "Yay! I just got Donkey Kong Jr for free!")

Leo13July 15, 2014

So what if they just started packing wonderful 101 codes in. They've already paid for it to be made and it didn't sale, but it's actually a great game that uses the game pad and giving that away doesn't really hurt game sales cause so few people are buying it, but it's actually a great game that most people would appreciate if they had a brand new console and it just came free.

lolmonadeJoel A. DeWitte, Associate EditorJuly 15, 2014

Nintendo buzzfeed report.com

nickmitchJuly 15, 2014

Every Wii U comes with a copy of Disaster: Day of Crisis pre-installed.

BlackNMild2k1July 15, 2014

Insano: *moves thread to funhouse*