This Halloween, I decided to walk blindly into several spooky NES games for the first time. What follows are my stream-of-consciousness thoughts as I sat down to relive some so-called classics.

Monster in My Pocket

Some quick research indicates this is a 1991 NES game, which places it well into the life of the system. Booting up the game, that’s not too surprising, as it exhibits a level of polish that’s a bit higher than the average NES title.

Immediately I’m given the choice to play as either a vampire or a monster, which is basically a Frankenstein-style creature. I choose the monster, and away we go into the story, which features an evil warlock who sends henchmen to kill us and… that’s it.  And for an NES game, that’s good enough!

The music is immediately reminiscent of a less-ominous take on Castlevania, which isn’t surprising given the developer (Konami). The “monster” I’m controlling is definitely pocket-size, as evidenced by the giant table legs and chairs I’m jumping onto. Mainly what he does, however, is punch. All sorts of baddies fly my way, and I respond with a flurry of punches.

The game is a pretty straightforward “run-and-melee” action game, and it’s not too difficult. That said, it’s a lot of fun. I die a few times, but thankfully I just regenerate on the spot instead of having to replay the level multiple times.

All in all, this is a fun little side scrolling action game, with fun and recognizable characters. Not too scary, though.

Zombie Nation

This game apparently takes place in 1999… the distant future! A meteorite lands in Nevada, and turns the entire population into zombies. Then there’s a whole bunch more in the story scroll preceding the title screen, but most of it seems pretty nonsensical.

The title screen informs me that the full name of this game is Samurai Zombie Nation, so I guess we get ninjas AND zombies in this game! What we have here is a game developed by Meldac/Live Planning in 1990. The title screen asks me to press start, so I indulge.

A map select screen asks me to pick either the northern, eastern, western, or southern U.S. The east coast is marked “Round I,” so I head there.

Zombie Nation appears to be some strange side-scrolling take on Rampage where you play as a floating head, not a ninja or a zombie. You shoot fireballs at buildings to destroy them as the level auto-scrolls. People fall from the building, and you can gobble them up.  Meanwhile, military vehicles fire at you.

Despite playing on the easy mode, I am dead within a minute. I opt to continue.  Another minute later, I’m dead. If this game had either ninjas or zombies, or wasn’t balls-hard, I’d spend more time. For now, I’m moving on.

Werewolf: The Last Warrior

“No more heroes, fuzzball!  Your time has come!”  This is the opening cry of Werewolf, The Last Warrior.

Initially appearing to be a strange variation of the one-on-one fighting game, my first task appears to be to punch to death a very tall, very strong enemy with my bare hands. I punch away, while also dodging enemy punches. A minute of punching (and punch dodging) later, the tall enemy is dead, leaving behind an item. I pick it up, and suddenly my avatar morphs into a….. wait for it… werewolf!

The game changes into a fairly standard side-scrolling brawler, as I proceed to claw my way through incredibly poor hit detection and jump mechanics for a brief time, until I fall by a pit of spikes. It’s not obvious how I am to jump over the pit, and a continuous stream of bats hits me over and over until I turn back into a human. I eventually just take the damage and walk on the spikes.

A few screens later, and I find another tricky pit, this one bottomless, and now I’m not so lucky. A few poorly timed jumps later, and I’m dead. Multiple times. This game is so hard to play it’s scary!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

A Bandai joint.

After the title screen, I’m starting off in some countryside, playing as a man in a gray suit. A quick press of the B button makes me stab some sort of stick forward in the air. Some strangers approach, and I attempt to stab them. Nothing happens, but as they walk into me, I take damage, mysteriously. After this happens three more times, I stop trying to stab my neighbors.

As I walk forward, a bomb explodes behind me. What?

It turns out that one of the strangers planted the bomb! It happens again… I think I’m out of life as the screen goes dark… but no!  Now I’m playing as Mr. Hyde, as the screen begins to auto-scroll to the left.

Three seconds later, I’m struck by lightning. Game over.

I try again… basically the exact same thing happens.

No matter what I do, seconds after I become Mr. Hyde, I am struck by lightning and die.

I have never been more confused.

There certainly must be a way to play this game, but after three attempts, each lasting about 90 seconds, I’m done trying.

This wraps up my brief romp through horror-themed NES games. If you want to see more stream-of-consciousness runs through potentially terrible 20-year-old games, leave a comment!